MEN
ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE
NICKNAMES
-
If Laura,
Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and
Sarah
-
If Mike, Dave
and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy,
Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING
OUT
-
When the bill
arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only
for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually
admit they want change back.
-
When the
girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
-
A man will
pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
-
A woman will
pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
-
A man has six
items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a
bar of soap, and a towel .
-
The average
number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be
able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
-
A woman has
the last word in any argument.
-
Anything a
man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
-
A woman
worries about the future until she gets a husband.
-
A man never
worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
-
A successful
man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
-
A successful
woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
-
A woman
marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
-
A man marries
a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
-
A woman will
dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the
phone, read a book, and get the mail.
-
A man will
dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
-
Men wake up
as good-looking as they went to bed.
-
Women somehow
deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
-
Ah, children.
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist
appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and
hopes and dreams.
-
A man is
vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
remembering the same thing!
SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it ... and
to the men who will enjoy reading it.