Give me a Break!

 

This is sometimes useful computer stuff, sometimes jokes, sometimes videos, but it absolutely never has a thing to do with politics or health care reform. It's just fun stuff.

eNewsletter 40

 

eNewsletter 39

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Lexus convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing," he thought, as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the Trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the Lexus, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused........ Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the Trooper.
 


Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.

The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall.

They weren't able to designate a person, until the woman gave a very Touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, Because as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and she was used to always making sacrifices, with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping.

eNewsletter 38

The Children had all been photographed, and the Teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say,  

'There's Jennifer, she's a Lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a Doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the Teacher, she's dead."  


(Rated PG)

Miracle of Toilet Paper  

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds.

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.  "How long will this take?" she asks. "They'll grow larger over a period of years.", he replies.

The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?" Without missing a beat the husband says "worked for your butt, didn't it?"

He lived, and with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again.

Stupid Stupid Man


(Rated PG) A little boy was doing his math homework.  He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.  Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."  His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"  The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."   "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.  "Yes," he answered.  Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"  The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."  The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"  After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."


Is this you? Going home on Friday and Going to work on Monday

And the Arrow Girl

eNewsletter 37

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days.

He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into
the house and asked her, "Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep
in the same room and one is on top of the other?"

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just tell him the truth.
"It's called sexual intercourse, honey."

Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK," and went back outside to play with the
other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it isn't
called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds! And Jimmy's mom wants to
talk to you!!"
 


HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

eNewsletter 36

Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"

Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."

Merle commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in peoples lives."

Don said,  "I'd like them to say, 'Look! He's moving!'"


Forgive me, but I really do try to keep my wife out of the driver's seat:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbY0Jh9_RJ8&feature=Favorites&page=2&t=t&f=b


And for you Soccer fans http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBP1tw518PI&feature=Favorites&page=4&t=t&f=b


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.


The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

eNewsletter 35

A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and  I have to talk to you about it."

The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong? "

The man  replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi, very surprised by this,  asks, "How can that be?"

The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm  certain  she's poisoning me. What should I do?"

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says. "I spoke to your wife...spoke  to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"

The man said yes, and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison.


Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45 minute wait for a  table.

"Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have  45 minutes."

They were seated immediately.


All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle..
They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly.

As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

eNewsletter 34

High water bill? You best investigate it HERE!

Want to learn how to dance? Click HERE

It deserves repeating:

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid.  Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt.

Where I’ve turned my time to in my retirement http://youtube.com/watch?v=0J16dyV4Du8

Historical Sounds in MP3 Format http://www.freeinfosociety.com/site.php?postnum=460


Robot dance http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSoVKUVOnfQ&feature=Favorites&page=1&t=t&f=b

eNewsletter 33

IDENTITY THIEVES - Actual Video From Sheriff's Dept. -- Take the time to watch this 3 minute video. Identity thieves are at it again, this time targeting people at gas stations.  Many of us never leave the side of our car when pumping gas but that has apparently not improved our safety, especially for women who carry purses. The footage of the actual crime being committed is shocking in how easy it is to pull off.  http://www.sheriff.org/videos/psa_cartheft.html

The Power of YouTube. An article in an October issue of Marketing Vox shows that though Dove's 2006 Super Bowl spot resulted in almost 500 million impressions before and after the big game, one commercial seeded – at no cost - on YouTube generated more than 1.5 million views and generated a spike in traffic on the company's Campaign for Real Beauty site. View it HERE.

eNewsletter 32

Amazing Four-Year-Old Djembe Player  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiddRw0Lpwc&feature=TopRated&page=2&t=t&f=b

Cat Video

Fantastic Photography

 


Divorcing After 45 Years

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York
and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; 45 years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other,
and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay, they’re coming for Christmas and paying their own fares."


The Children were lined up in the Cafeteria of a Catholic Elementary School for Lunch.  

At the head of the table was a large pile of Apples. The Nun made a note, and posted on the Apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the Lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of Chocolate Chip Cookies.

A Child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the Apples.

 

eNewsletter 31

We alerted readers to a "Free PDF Creator," but apparently the link did not work. Here is the corrected link: www.primopdf.com 

Lesson In Political Science http://www.greatdreams.com/political/politics_globalist_style.htm

For dog lovers: http://www.ThrowTheRascalsOut.org/Who_Let_The_Dogs_Out.wmv

Ninja man! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z34JYwNGFtw&feature=Favorites&page=1&t=t&f=b

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.


One day a little Girl was sitting and watching her Mother do the dishes at the Kitchen sink.  

She suddenly noticed that her Mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her Mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her Mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little Girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of Grandma's hairs are white?"


Telemarketer Woes? Follow this JUNKBUSTERS Anti-Telemarketing Script

eNewsletter 30

If you like optical illusions and 3D effects, don't miss THIS

Or, how about this Birthday Calculator

Download this Free PDF creator (from Word, Excel, PowerPoint, etc.)

Okay, this is another one of those stupid diversion things that I avoid with a passion. ;-)

Want to know how much info can be gotten by the web owner by your just logging on to his web site? Click HERE. Admittedly, sometimes you need this info, and a simple way to get your IP address by going to www.WhatIsMyIP.com

These are always my favorites; see PipeDream but you must have your sound turned on.

 


A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!"
   
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister!  I'm talking to that little smart ass on your knee."


A Kindergarten Teacher was observing her Classroom of Children while they were drawing.  
She would occasionally walk around to see each Child's work.
As she got to one little Girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The Girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The Teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the Girl: replied, "They will in a minute."


A Sunday School Teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the Commandment to "Honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a 
Commandment that teaches us how to treat our Brothers and Sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a Family) answered, "Thou shall not Kill."


Wouldn't you love to know what her conversation is about?

(I hear that she is a Republican.... I think I know what she's asking.)

eNewsletter 29

Watch these Dancers and their quick-change antics. 

Okay, you figure THIS ONE out.

And Profiles in Courage #3 from Working Assets.

 


The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


Why not to mess with kids

A little Girl was talking to her Teacher about Whales.

The Teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a Human
because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the Teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was
physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."


370HSSV-0773H

After numerous rounds of "We don't know if Osama is still alive", Osama
himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let
him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded
message:

370HSSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides
had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.
With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Britain's MI-6 for
help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled back with this reply:

"Tell the FBI that Bush is holding the message upside down."

eNewsletter 28

Great for the kids (and some of you adults) is Flashface

How about these talking dogs?

Interesting show of force.


 

For users of Google's Gmail, this will be of great interest. See it HERE.

 

 

 


Ken walked into a sports bar around 9:45pm.  He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.  The 10:00 o'clock news came on.  The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.  The blonde looked at Ken and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Ken said, "You know, I bet he'll jump"

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Ken placed 20 dollars on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her 20 dollars to Ken, saying, "Fair's fair.  Here's your money."

Ken replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5:00 O'clock news and knew he'd jump."

The blonde replied, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."


One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma!"

And they say blondes are dumb...

 

eNewsletter 27

Add this handy 800 phone number reference to your favorites.

Need special sound effects. See this list of .wav sounds you can download.

Interesting but useless. Move your mouse over the black screen.

I forgot to tell you this is a contest on who can develop the most useless toys.

New technique's on Cleaning the Toilet

Billboards you'd like on your streets?

CREATION:

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

eNewsletter 26

Watch the YouTube Drummer Boy

Don't miss this slideshow on our troops in Iraq: http://www.clermontyellow.accountsupport.com/flash/UntilThen.swf

Bindi Sue speaks at dad Steve Irwin's memorial service


So, it's your first kiss and several questions might come to mind:

Is it the right time?

Is anyone watching?

Does your partner even want to?

Is your breath fresh?

And the big question...

Should you use some tongue?

Then you lean in and just go for it!!! 


Fun for creating a story with your or your kid's name in headlines. Write your story then save the image to your hard drive and print if out at birthday time.


WIFE vs. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license, they'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen!

Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!"

Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell l me you had a prescription."

 

eNewsletter 25

A great video of a juggler, but it is best to let it play once without watching it (so it can buffer) and then a second time while you watch it.

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WINBACKUP is a backup utility capable of safeguarding data with a single click and safeguarding files against failure, hard drive crashes, virus attacks, loss, theft, or user error.  It once sold for as much as $49.95, but it is now available for FREE

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Ever wanted to create your own button and link to it? Go to for a free button image maker.

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Surely you've gotten emails from a Nigerian looking for a place to park millions of dollars and is willing to share the profits with you. Here's one guy's successful job of Scamming the Scammer. It's a fun read, and you can see other examples HERE.

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Many of you know that I've been retired for three years now. Working people frequently ask retired people what we do to make our days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went down town and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break"?
 
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.  I called him a "Nazi." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a "doughnut eating Gestapo." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
 
Personally, I didn't care. I came down town on the bus and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said "Hillary in '08." I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health. 

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WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

 


If you haven't already you should sign up to the US government's virus security alerts that warn when new Microsoft versions are available. It's just a backup to the automated download that you may already have activated. Otherwise, when you get an alert that applies to your software, go to Tools/Windows Update to download all new patches.


 

eNewsletter 24

Now, I remember some wild nights, but never like this

Try you hand at Analytical Problems and Puzzles click HERE

Interested in the relative size of the world? Click HERE

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Buying a Camcorder? I share this with you because I went through the process and wasted money:

DVD recorders allow going directly to a 3 inch DVD and when done simply insert a clean DVD to carry on with your recording. They can be immediately played back in your DVD player or TV set, and they have excellent editing and rewrite and DVD (re)burning software. The one irritation is that your must go through a "finish" process to close out the recording. That can be done immediately after filling up the DVD or in a batch after you get time at home. But they will not play back until that has been done. If I had it to do over, this is the only camera I would have bought. The DVD takes less space and also serves as a good backup. 

MiniDV and other tape-based cameras can be played into your computer and usually your home entertainment system but require a conversion process to edit the storage media and write to a DVD. That can usually be done by downloading the camera directly to your computer and then using conversion software to dub it onto a DVD. At a lower cost, the recording medium usually serves as a good backup.

Digital hard drives: I bought a 30 GB hard drive model. As futuristic as these are, they require that you either buy multiple hard drives (at $400 each) or carry with you a laptop so you can dump the data while away from home. They are not cheap, and I would not buy one again. 

Other features to look for:

A good low-light sensitivity determines whether you can take movies indoors without a strobe light.

Image stability is a nice feature.

Don't go with an off brand unless it is highly rated.

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MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor; "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."

He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
"

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A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

 

eNewsletter 23

See the Real Transformer

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A blonde golfer had just finished a round of golf at her local course. When she reached her car in the parking lot, she quickly dialed 911 to report that her car had been broken into.

She was hysterical as she explained her situation to the dispatcher. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cried.

The 911 dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes."

Before the police got to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher's telephone rang a second time, and it was the same blonde on the line again. "Never mind," giggled the blonde, "I was in the back seat!"

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WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

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Here's an excellent disk cleanup tool suggested by a friend, but like all programs of this type you should backup your system or critical files. (click on Links and Resources and download  ‘Cleanup Utility’.) Also, check the Options before using it the first time.

 

eNewsletter 22

How good are you at detecting a Phishing Fraud? Take this easy test. Click on the link (i.e. Chase), and when finished go to the bottom of this section for several tricks that I use.

Here's an interesting test of senses by the BBC.

If you like cats and have Windows Media Player (other other .wmv player), don't miss CatEntics.wmv

And then, for those Table Tennis buffs....

This is a neat duplicate files identifier. You have to tell it which drive to scan, and then it lets you select which duplicates you want to delete. The basic program is free and the advanced version can be purchased for $19.95.

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Passengers on a small commuter plane are waiting for the flight to leave. They're getting a little impatient, but the airport staff has assured them that the pilots will be there soon, and the flight can take off immediately after that.

The entrance opens, and two men walk up the aisle, dressed in pilots' uniforms-both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin; but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke.

None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and people at the windows realize that they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory.

As it begins to look as though the plane will never take off, that it will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin-but at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.

The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon they have all retreated into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

Up in the cockpit, the copilot turns to the pilot and says, "You know, Bob, one of these days, they're going to scream too late, and we're all gonna die."

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On Phishing emails, here are a couple of hints:

If an email asks for an update, go to the site through your web browser and appropriately log on with your password. Do not click on email links unless you just requested something from the site and their email is in response to your request.

 

eNewsletter 21

There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer  (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.  If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest bar. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Eliminator-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.  You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling  your life.

Okay, so every now and then we need a diversion (or time waster).  Left click on the ice blocks to allow penetration. (I couldn't make it past two!)

Okay, I expect some raised eyebrows about this one. (Rated PG)

Geography quiz http://www.mccollam.com/fun/geoquiz/

Interesting challenge (use your mouse to drag): www.planarity.net

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

Ever wonder about Precedent?

________________________________________

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.

 

eNewsletter 20

A good video on internet scams.

Evolution of Dance

Put in your address and click the button.

Click on the guy in the lower right corner

My favorite bumper sticker: Horn is broken... Watch for finger!

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

This only looks weird...it reads ok though 

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid.  Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt.

 

eNewsletter 19

How about this Crazy Dog. I'll let you take the bone away from him....

Oh, sure.... http://www.mensa.org/workout2.php

Quote for the day:  "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh." Conan O'Brien

If you are interested in automated legal forms, like a power-of-attorney or living will, take a look at LawDepot.com. I do not know how this company makes its money or supports itself, so use the services at your own discretion. I am always nervous about "free" things.

See 10 dumb things users do that can mess up their computers - The entry popup asks if you want to get their newsletter. Click on the  popup X unless you want to "join."

The Neat Net Tricks technical support Bulletin Board is a group of 500 computer geeks and computer users that love to share troubles and fixes amongst them. It is free, though I have never posted a question to the board (I use www.experts-exchange.com, which is a $100 per year service).

___________________  No Blondes Allowed  _____________________

A blonde gets caught in a really bad hail storm. The hail is as big as tennis balls, and her car is covered with large dents. The next day, the blonde takes her car to the repair shop.

The shop owner, seeing she is blonde, decides to have a little fun. He tells her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe, really hard, and all the dents will just pop out.

The blonde drives home, gets out of the car, gets down on her hands and knees and starts blowing into the tail pipe. Nothing happened, so she blew a little harder; and still nothing happens. Meanwhile, her roommate, also a blonde, comes home and asks, "What in the world are you doing?"

The blonde car owner tells her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the hail dents to pop out.

Her blonde roommate rolls her eyes and says, "Hel-lOOOO! Don't you think you should roll up the windows first?

eNewsletter 18

If you haven't heard the real-life guy trying to cancel his AOL account, click here.

The YouTube Skeleton Gig (Rated G)

See this moving puzzle (Okay, so I had fun with it.)

eNewsletter 15

Some of you may have seen the Christmas Lights Gone Wild, but if you haven't go to http://tinyurl.com/s8uas

And a little piece called Resonate at http://tinyurl.com/zrol7

If you ever need to take an inventory of what's on your computer, there are two free programs to do that. My first experience was with BeLarc Advisor but there is also a new one called WinAudit which provides a different format and print options. They list all hardware and software on your computer and are handy when communicating to tech support people your configuration. Try them and choose which works best for you.

eNewsletter 14

Advice:  Surely you've heard that there is no such thing as a free lunch. Stay away from free programs, especially those that claim to be OEM versions of popular software programs. They are often illegal copies and can be imbedded with keystroke monitors that, when you buy things off of the Internet, your credit card number gets sent in two directions. The free software supplier gets the second copy. I hate it when that happens. To help protect yourself you can install the Keylogger Hunter at http://www.styopkin.com/keylogger_hunter.html. It blocks most outgoing keystroke operations.

Do it! When you go to Start>Run>MSCONFIG you can see what programs are in your startup sequence. Some are appropriate and others may be Trojan Horses or viruses. Compare what you have on your list at www.sysinfo.org/startuplist.php. Disable what shouldn't be there. Sometimes I will disable everything and then re-add what I know should be there. Disabling is not deleting, until you purposely delete it.

For music lovers, take a look at www.pandora.com.

For those looking for smoke free restaurants see my searchable database at: www.smokefreedining.net

For Wisconsinites looking for a little change, turn on your speakers, take a look at this and then quit complaining: www.throwtherascalsout.org/Ice_Switzerland.pps  This is a PowerPoint presentation. To send it to a friend just send them the link or forward this email.

eNewsletter 13

For those who have computer problems and don’t want to take it to the shop, for $100 per year (or $50 every six months) you can sign up to www.experts-exchange.com. When you have problems, search the database for others who have had the same problem and read the multiple pieces of advice given by the experts. If you don’t find the fix there, post your question and wait for the experts to respond. That usually takes a day or two, and sometimes a series of exchanges between you and the experts take a week or so. The experts are paid out of your $100 and compete for the points you’ve assigned to the question. I cannot speak highly enough about the service, but you must have at least a working knowledge of your computer. I don’t think this would work well for the total novice. A couple of years under your belt would be useful. They support all OS’s.

Try these new search engines: www.exalead.com and www.factbites.com

And if you need an inexpensive Screen Cleaner try this: http://60gp.ovh.net/~cleanyou/

eNewsletter 12

Before you buy that next spyware program, check here: http://www.spywarewarrior.com/rogue_anti-spyware.htm

Look here to see what peer-to-peer file swapping programs have spyware in them: http://www.spywareinfo.com/articles/p2p/

Have an interview with an honest boss at http://www.hallmark.com/wcsstore/HallmarkStore/images/products/ecards/nfg1969.swf

Or enjoy the new flight safety procedures here: http://www.barry.fireflyinternet.co.uk/fun/files/pilot.htm

eNewsletter 11

For the Techies out there, LINK200 validates website links and allows deletion of bad bookmarks/favorites.  It works with Firefox, Internet Explorer, and Netscape, and is "donation ware" if you like it. I've tried it and it worked great.

THE SAND GAME:  Intriguing, mesmerizing, and a great time waster, try this interesting little diversion ..

FAMOUS BIRTHDAYS:  Find out who of the rich and famous share your birthday here.

eNewsletter 10

(On these films it is best to ignore them during the initial download and then hit the replay option. This avoids the jumpiness in the films.)

David Elsewhere: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0NcxJ7fNTc&search=david%20elsewhere (Yeah, try to do this yourself.)

Driving in India: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjrEQaG5jPM (Actually, I think they meant Washington DC)

And some kids just like having fun http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRNzWyD7C9o (Wow, does this make me feel old!)

You can search this website for more, and most are not worthy of passing along. But please send me links to your favorites.

 

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